All I wanted was a fairytale-like love story. Just like any other girl. Alam ko namang walang such thing as "perfectly written love story" pero at the back of my head, it was full of happy fantasies and thoughts of meeting my Mr. Right at the most perfect time and moment.
No one ever knew when's that time. At kahit nauso na yang wala-walang forever na yan, there is a tiny strand of hope inside me....believing that there is. Kaso nga lang, hindi naman ako na-inform na pwede palang mangyari yung mga ganung unforeseen circumstances. For everything that has happened to me at the last quarter of this year, I can say that 2015 has truly taught me well. Hindi talaga natapos ang taon ng walang pahabol na heartbreaks. Actually, sobrang timely nga ng mga events lately eh. Pati Miss Universe nakikiayon sa feelings ko. Akalain mong pwede na rin pala akong makoronahang Miss Colombia ng Pilipinas. Oo, ako na. Ako na talaga. Inaako ko na ang korona. Bakit ba kasi madali akong naniwala? I could have chosen not to fall into those trap of sweet words. Yun pala puro shit lang ang laman. Fucking empty, nonsense words coming from a too-good-to-be-true man.
Yung totoo? Nung malaman kong 'tila hangin lang para sa kanya yung mga salita at pangakong binitawan niya? Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig. Hindi lang yon. Syempre hindi ko na maipapaliwanag 'yung sakit kasi walang appropriate na mga salita para doon. What I remembered was, I felt like I was the happiest girl on Cloud 9 and suddenly wala palang eroplanong susundo sa akin sa taas. Sa pinaka simpleng mga salita: iniwan sa ere. Sarap pala non? Grabe. Yung parang nasa gitna ka ng dagat tapos hindi ka marunong lumangoy, kasi biglang nawala yung nagtuturo sayo kung paano. Pero hindi na siya bumalik. Kaya hindi mo na alam papano pa babalik... hindi mo alam kung hahayaan mo bang lumubog ka na lang o lumaban kahit wala kang ka-alam alam, kahit mahirap.
Siguro nga lahat yun part lang. There are people in our lives who are not meant to stay, but they are only intended to teach us lessons we have to learn. Yes, the hard way.
If it was my heart speaking, I'd say nasayangan lang ako sa oras at panahon. I regret all of the days and nights spent worthlessly thinking of that person, the time I tried to sneak out from my busy schedule, the efforts I exerted so that I can meet that bastard sooner. Marami pa akong itinaya na hindi na niya kailangang malaman. Hindi na mahalaga. Hindi rin naman kasi biro yung layo namin sa isa't isa eh. Imagine, yung gap ng oras at yung layo... milya. Pero higit sa lahat, tiwala. Yun ang pinaka nasayang. As of now I couldn't say I have forgiven and I know for sure I won't be able to forget easily because it's already a scar that has left of me.
Kung tutuusin, ang swerte nga niya eh. kasi I'm sure wala naman siyang napagdaanang ganito. Bakit, gaano ba kahirap ang sabihin lang sa chat na wala na? Sorry? Ganun na lang ba after everything? Maybe to him it wasn't everything. Nabigla lang? Nagkabiglaan? Sana lang diba, kung gagawa ng decision, wag padalos dalos kasi may madadamay eh. If he was thinking about me, maybe he'd decide not to bother me at all in the first place. Eh ako naman kasi si tanga. I've put all my faith on this man because I thought he was different. And because I've known him since we had our first heartbreaks during first grade, I saw how he matured during high school. We grew up together. That's why if I will be picking from a bunch of guys I have just met, I'd choose him over them. Ganun kasi kalaki yung tiwala ko sa kanya. Akala ko enough na yung kilala ko siya mula pagkabata. Hindi pala. Wala pala sa tagal ng pinagsamahan yun. He was the last person whom I know will hurt me like this. And again, I was so wrong. I should have known better.
I am writing this with feelings of resentment towards that person; but with a heart ready for change. I have already accepted the fact that love always comes with these kind of packages. You may or may not like it; but it we have a responsibility we have to take account. Lagi namang ganun diba? Love is a gamble, it does not give any guarantee that you will win. It is always a risk worth taking because you know, in the end, you'll find that one person. That one person whom you imagine waking up with every morning. That one person you'll never get tired of fighting with but always ending up with losing the argument instead of losing the person. That one person who'll make you believe again na meron talagang forever.
And if I may give a piece of advice to guys for you to be called as men. Sana, wag na kayong mangako. Wag puro salita, just prove your worth. Kasi ang mga salita, pwedeng bawiin. But if you try to prove it with actions, it cannot be undone. At kung gagawa ng decision, touchmove. Alam ko namang hindi lang ang mga babae ang nasasaktan, pero always bear in mind that women are truly strong by nature. But deep down, we have fragile hearts. So please handle them with care. Utmost care. TLC. Basta yung care that we truly deserve.
I am speaking in behalf of the girls na na-Colombiazoned, napaasa at nasaktan. Pero I am brave enough to face another year and leave everything behind. Naniniwala akong somewhere out there, andyan lang siya, waiting for the right time. Sabi nga sa Eclessiastes 3:1-8, there is a perfect time for everything. God is already making the best love story for me... sometimes I become a little impatient, but this time, I am willing to gracefully wait for His will so that everything's going to fall into its right places. And when that time comes, I will be able to let go of all the memories that hurt, embrace the present and get ready for the great future that is in store for me. For now, I will focus on my goal on being a doctor and the rest will follow. :)
