The Greatest Battle I Know: Mind vs. Heart

I've always wanted to hear how my heart beats 'cause it tells me to keep loving that person. "Sige lang. Mahalin mo lang siya. Wala namang masamang magmahal ng sobra as long as you really are into it." That must be how my heart speaks--- kung nakakapagsalita nga lang talaga ang puso. I can feel every pump of blood through my veins, the intensity of cardiac output and how this person increases the workload of my heart. Grabe, kung alam mo lang kung gano mo pinahihirapan ang puso ko, kulang pa ang 125 bpm na PR at 160/90 na blood pressure every time na iisipin ko kung gaano kita kamahal.

For all you know, I always loved that feeling. Kaso laging merong kumokontra, and yes it's my mind. 

"I love you from the bottom of my hypothalamus" sabi nila, mas appropriate daw yang sabihin because from this part of the brain, the pituitary gland dictates and a certain hormone is released na may association with the formation of emotions and feelings. Question: Is love caused merely by the release of that chemicals? Well, no one knows. Ang alam ko lang, when the mind dominates us, we can be controlled. So, what if your mind tells you to stop loving that person? Would you? Or you will just let your heart rule over you?

One thing's for sure: mind is always wiser than the heart. Ang puso, kahit ilang beses masaktan yan, keri lang. The heart is the only broken thing that works. Amazingly, it has its own unique healing process na hindi overnight, at walang makakaintindi. It just needs one person, that one person who can make that shattered pieces whole again. That person who can mend all the wounds inflicted by the past, yung taong makakapagstabilize ng heartbeat mo-- na kahit gano pa ka bradycardic or tachycardic ang puso na yan, kayang kayang maging normal kasi andyan siya. Just the mere fact na andyan lang siya. Yung assurance na hindi ka niya iiwan. 

But as I was telling you, the mind is wiser. It doesn't allow any pain to recur. Mag-increase nga lang ang isang component, it tends to compromise. It follows its own doctrine to maintain stability. It doesn't follow the Starling's Law of the Heart either. Once the brain feels that you are in pain, it won't let you experience the same harm. Cuz every time, it learns a new lesson at ituturo sayo na hindi mo na dapat gawin yun. 

Pain should be a teacher, not an experience meant to happen over and over. 

In my case, ang hirap isipin at pakiramdaman kung ano ang dapat kong sundin: ang puso kong patuloy siyang minamahal o ang isip kong nagsasabing tumigil ka na. Dealing with this battle is not an easy task. I just have to feel myself and know where would I stand.

I don't want to end up losing myself either in this fight. I have to choose to make things right.

Day 1 of 8: The Skies Were At My Fingertips

The busy streets near Kembangan Station

As a child, I was fond of memorizing the capitals of each country, looking at every wondrous place around the world in my atlas. Never did I imagine myself travelling and seeing those places right in front of me, staring at those amazing attractions with my eyes on it. And yes, I am very much grateful for this day-- because my childhood dreams turned into a reality.

Last year I began to sketch my plans together with my Mom. Yes, you read it right. It's a sketch, a drawing. We were still unsure of it coz I don't even know my schedule for next year. Well, January 1 came in. I was really in great astonishment to know that the tickets were already bought. Excitement and happiness filled my senses. This is indeed a "start-the-year-right" for me. I am really, really happy.

Days and months passed, I became too impatient. I felt that I am needing a real, quality time to unwind to free my mind with all the preoccupations of school stuffs and all that there is. I needed a stress reliever, a time to rest... a vacation.

At long last, May 16 2011 came.

This day marks my first international trip together with my Mom. And this also wouldn't be possible without my ever supportive Dad. He never fails to spoil me with these things.

Upon arrival at NAIA, 1:00 am in the morning.

It was 12 midnight when we left the house heading to NAIA. I could not anymore hide my excitement to see Singapore and Malaysia personally. Actually, I wasn't really able to prepare for our flight that much because I did my last minute packing. Well, it was really obvious because I forgot to weigh my baggage and when we arrived at the airport, it was too late when I found out that our baggages are excess of weight. :))) But of course, Mom is always my superwoman. She paid for my excesses.

At exactly 5am, we were already checked in. We waited for the boarding at the lounge. While I was waiting, I took my self shots holding my passport, because as I was telling you, it was my first international flight so I am really excited about it.

Me holding my passport! :)

But before going out of the country, one must pass through the immigration. This actually tensed me a lot because my valid ID (which was supposed to be a requirement) is in my luggage, and I almost forgot that it is already at the plane. How will I be able to face the immigration officer without that? Argh, that thought bugged me, I became really nervous until Mom & I's turn came to be. We handed out our passports and much to my expectations, the immigration officer didn't say anything. He didn't even question us. He just signed and put a stamp on our passports. After that breath-taking moment, I could not believe that I am about to ride the plane!! (Though, it's not my first time to ride a plane. I already had my first last year, heading to Mindoro.)

Bye Philippines for now!! :) Here's Mom and I, our first Mommy-and-daughter photo taken by Ms. Carl with her Nikon D5000 camera. Yay, it is really evident especially in my face that  I am sooo excited. Haha!

Yes, I savored the plane's take off. Although I had a hard time feeling that "heavy feeling", I dared myself to. It was a 3 hour and 10 minute ride to Singapore. For the first hour I was not asleep because I am still enjoying the trip, with my notebook and pen. I wrote everything that I felt before we actually rode the plane and for the time being. I could hardly express my happiness. But for the next hour, I already felt the need that I had to sleep to recharge for our first day in Singapore. So yes, I fell asleep. But I was awakened after 30 minutes. I think it is because I am already impatient to see a new country right before my very eyes. It wasn't so long when the pilot claimed that we were about to land to Changi Airport.

First photo at Kembangan Station