The Greatest Battle I Know: Mind vs. Heart

I've always wanted to hear how my heart beats 'cause it tells me to keep loving that person. "Sige lang. Mahalin mo lang siya. Wala namang masamang magmahal ng sobra as long as you really are into it." That must be how my heart speaks--- kung nakakapagsalita nga lang talaga ang puso. I can feel every pump of blood through my veins, the intensity of cardiac output and how this person increases the workload of my heart. Grabe, kung alam mo lang kung gano mo pinahihirapan ang puso ko, kulang pa ang 125 bpm na PR at 160/90 na blood pressure every time na iisipin ko kung gaano kita kamahal.

For all you know, I always loved that feeling. Kaso laging merong kumokontra, and yes it's my mind. 

"I love you from the bottom of my hypothalamus" sabi nila, mas appropriate daw yang sabihin because from this part of the brain, the pituitary gland dictates and a certain hormone is released na may association with the formation of emotions and feelings. Question: Is love caused merely by the release of that chemicals? Well, no one knows. Ang alam ko lang, when the mind dominates us, we can be controlled. So, what if your mind tells you to stop loving that person? Would you? Or you will just let your heart rule over you?

One thing's for sure: mind is always wiser than the heart. Ang puso, kahit ilang beses masaktan yan, keri lang. The heart is the only broken thing that works. Amazingly, it has its own unique healing process na hindi overnight, at walang makakaintindi. It just needs one person, that one person who can make that shattered pieces whole again. That person who can mend all the wounds inflicted by the past, yung taong makakapagstabilize ng heartbeat mo-- na kahit gano pa ka bradycardic or tachycardic ang puso na yan, kayang kayang maging normal kasi andyan siya. Just the mere fact na andyan lang siya. Yung assurance na hindi ka niya iiwan. 

But as I was telling you, the mind is wiser. It doesn't allow any pain to recur. Mag-increase nga lang ang isang component, it tends to compromise. It follows its own doctrine to maintain stability. It doesn't follow the Starling's Law of the Heart either. Once the brain feels that you are in pain, it won't let you experience the same harm. Cuz every time, it learns a new lesson at ituturo sayo na hindi mo na dapat gawin yun. 

Pain should be a teacher, not an experience meant to happen over and over. 

In my case, ang hirap isipin at pakiramdaman kung ano ang dapat kong sundin: ang puso kong patuloy siyang minamahal o ang isip kong nagsasabing tumigil ka na. Dealing with this battle is not an easy task. I just have to feel myself and know where would I stand.

I don't want to end up losing myself either in this fight. I have to choose to make things right.