RN: That two precious letters

Habang sinusulat ko 'to hindi ko ma-dedeny na nakangiti pa rin ako. This is the second night since I knew that I passed the recently concluded June 30-July 1 Nurse Licensure Examination---pero iba pa rin yung feeling, hindi nakakasawang tignan yung pangalan ko sa kung saan-saang site na merong roster ng successful examinees.

I am the 14,607th passer among the 27,823 newly registered RNs. Isa lang ako sa mga libo-libong nangarap, nag-asam, at humiling na makapasa ng Nurse Licensure Exam. For every student nurse, this is a remarkable milestone in their lives. The joy of seeing your name in the list-- yung eksenang nanginginig at halos manigas na yung kamay mo sa sobrang pagsscroll down sa kakahanap ng pangalan mo. That one unforgettable moment of finally seeing your surname together with your first and middle name on the official roll of examinees who succeeded. ONE WORD TO DESCRIBE IT: SARAP.

Ang sarap ng feeling na FINALLY, you have reaped the fruit of your hardwork. Hindi biro ang apat na taon na pagpapainit ng pwitan sa upuan during long hours of lecture sa major subjects (lalo na NCM), yung mga hindi makakalimutang community exposures-- hassles kapag umuulan kasi puti pa naman ang uniform mo (pero wala na rin kaming care sa putik lalo na kapag naghahiking sa kabundukan ng Cogeo) para lang makapag house-to-house visit, interview dito, interview doon, walang kamatayang household surveys at sandamakmak na FNCPs na kahit pagod na pagod ka na from duty, wala kang choice. Yung mga epic moments na muntik na kayong mahuli ng CI nyo na nakatambay sa tindahan kasi "tapos" na kayo mag ocular survey, yung mga tao sa community na sobrang naiirita na kasi paulit-ulit na lang daw ang mga tanong. Minsan nga pagsasarahan ka pa ng pinto, or worse sisigaw si Ate ng "Walang tao!"(pero the fact na nagsalita siya diba, haha). Hindi ko rin makakalimutan yung mga times na muntik na kaming mahabol ng aso, tapos may isang Kuya pa nung Management duty namin sa community sabi niya sa amin: "Ate, pacheck up naman." Kami naman lumapit tapos hahatakin pala kami sa loob ng bahay niya. Lahat na ata ng scary, nakakatawa at nakakaiyak na-experience na namin dahil sa pag-cocommunity. Sa wards naman, hindi mo rin makakalimutan ang mga masusungit na NODs, yung feeling na na-delay yung IVs mo tapos patay ka sa team leader niyo kasi treatment nurse ka pa naman, precon-soapie-VS-bedside-VS-postcon (repeat until fade), breaks na parang hindi naman kasi gumagawa ka rin ng soapie, yung pakiramdam na parang pinipilipit na yung paa mo sa long hours of standing, nakakapressure na CIs, bully na mga bantay ng pasyente, charting na parang walang ending, endorsement na nakakabangag lalo na kapag graveyard shift ka, at ang ibang mga demanding na patients. 

...Those were the toxic days na gusto mo na lang magbigti sa sobrang pagod, puyat, at kung anu-ano pang mixed emotions na isang dakilang student nurse lamang ang tanging makakaintindi.

Pero admit it, the very moment you saw your name on the list, nawala lahat ng pagtingin mong yan sa pagiging student nurse, and Nursing itself. 

During my BSN days, I was an average student back then. First year at second year, nag-eexcel pa ako. In fact, I once became a dean's lister. But those were the days when I was still not pressured, yung parang wala pang masyadong stress. Pero come 3rd year, I strived hard to pass every subject. It came to a point that I have to meet a target grade in order to surpass. But I did not falter. It became my motivation to push harder beyond my limitations and try not to stay within my comfort zone. I had to double my efforts, mag-aral ng mabuti, to stay in UERM and be at least a responsible student kahit hindi ganung nag-eexcel, because I know I am giving my best in every endeavor that I encounter lalo na nung mapromote ako to Level IV. There I realized that I should take one step as a big leap. Hindi na pwede yung petiks na parang dati. Natatandaan ko pa kung gaano ko ka-excited mag Management nun kasi ang ganda ng uniform, sobrang classy. Pero the moment I wore the uniform, I had this realization na wearing that uniform comes with a greater responsibility. The last semester passed swiftly and at last, I was able to graduate and become a UERM alumni, officially.

Akala ko dun lang nagtatapos. But the journey doesn't end there. Kapag nursing student ka, hindi pala graduation ang tunay na masaya. It is when you can be finally called a "registered nurse."

August 23, 2012 around 2:00pm. The day before I was kind of expecting the results because I saw many posts saying na it will be released soon, pero I have really no idea kung joke na naman ba 'to or something kasi nakakadala na talagang umasa (as I was saying, paasa ang PRC) kasi August 17 pa lang naghihintay at nakaantabay na ang lahat sa results. Nakakaloka! Ang hirap sa dibdib nung agony of waiting. Although I felt the same way when I was taking the actual board exams pero doble pala yung sakit sa puso ng paghihintay sa results. Well, honestly ayoko talaga na ako yung unang makakakita nung name ko sa list kasi hindi ko kaya. I am acting like a coward little girl, really. Every day I was praying to God, asking Him for the serenity of my mind, and the openness of my heart to accept whatever the results may be. Pumasa man o hindi, I will still praise Him. I promised God that I will be patiently waiting. Prayers are really powerful-- day by day gumagaan yung pakiramdam ko, my fears were slowly turning into courage. At 'yun na nga, the most awaited day came into picture.

Clueless talaga ako na lalabas na yung results. I was tweeting pa then suddenly I saw some posts saying "meron na results" I checked the PRC site myself (hindi ko naman ugaling magrefresh ng site because before when I was habitually doing it wala namang bago) but that time,  I saw the headline and YES THE RESULTS ARE OUT. I felt the intensity of my ADRENALINE RUSH!!!! Swear sinubukan ko talagang pakalmahin yung sarili ko, nag DBE pa and all, tapos later on I told myself "Marie, this is it!" Okay na sana talaga kaso yung PDF from the site sooooooooobrang tagal magdownload. Parang 2072861972 years ata akong naghintay na magload pero nalaman ko na't lahat lahat hindi pa rin nadownload. So I was panicking because I was already seeing posts from my batchmates na "RN na ko!!!!!" mas lalong nakadagdag sa pressure at kaba na nararamdaman ko that time. Plus, sa hindi inaasahang pagkakataon, my Mom knocked at the door because it was her routine na i-check ako kapag dumadating siya ng hapon. I was not planning to tell Mommy yet hangga't hindi ko nakikita sana pero plan fail. Too late na kasi nakita na niya kung ano yung bino-browse ko. Of course si Mommy mas excited yan sakin kaya as expected, mas kinakabahan pa siya nung time na hindi namin maopen yung file. Hahaha! Natatawa na lang ako ngayon kapag naalala ko yung intense naming conversation bago ko malaman na pasado na ako.

Me: "Ma, pano kung hindi ako pumasa?"

Mommy: "Okay lang anak tatanggapin natin kahit anong ipagkaloob ni Lord..."

Me: "Sige, promise yan ah?"

My mind was in a blank state during that time, sabog talaga. Hindi ko na nga naisip na i-check yung ibang sites at wag na umasa sa pdf kasi nakalimutan ko rin na pwede ko nga palang i-google. Grabe yun talaga, epic. Buti na lang si Bianca tumawag. She called me up and said: "Bruds, congrats!" sabi ko naman "Weh!!!!" she continued "OO NGA!"... okay. I had to count 1,2,3 within me then I inhaled deeply, sumigaw na ko sa kwarto ko. I came running to my parents' room and started shouting and screaming at the top of my voice: "MA!!!!!!! RN na ko!!!!" 

...That priceless moment.

Mommy gave me a BIG, BEAR HUG. We were both crying and I could not even process what is really happening around me. All I knew was.. my mom hugging me.. mumbling "Anak, ang galing mo, thank you Lord" those words kept playing on my head. For about three minutes the world stopped, mom did not let me go of her embrace. We kept crying and me, myself couldn't believe it was true. Yun yung example ng mga eksenang "pakisampal-mo-nga-ako-baka-kasi-nananaginip-lang-ako". I also called my Daddy and I guess he was surprised when he heard me crying while telling him na pasado na ako ng boards at RN na ako. Parehas sila ng sinabi ni Mommy, natuwa rin si Daddy. Napaiyak ako ng malakas (yung as in hagulgol type) lalo na nung personally kong makita yung pangalan ko sa listahan. And yes, it was me. It was my name, and it says there "Roll of Successful Examinees". 

Epic. Memorable. Priceless.

Wala na akong ibang nasabi kundi "Thank you Lord" over and over again. Until now, I couldn't stop praising Him for the greatest present He has given me so far. It was indeed a wonderful miracle and I am a living proof of this. Sobrang galing ni Lord, He never failed to amaze me every time. Siya lang ang nakakaalam ng lahat ng paghihirap ko, lahat ng sacrifices ko, at lahat ng pinagdaanan ko bago ko 'to marating. I have experienced failures many times but now I know why He gave all those trials to me. Nasaktan ako, nadapa, pero hindi ako natakot na tumayo ulit kasi alam kong nandyan Siya. When I was taking the board examination, I was very happy to feel His presence. Naramdaman ko na nasa tabi ko si Lord while I was shading every item, na hawak nya yung pencil ko leading me to the right answers, at siya rin yung naging living jacket ko lalo na nung 2nd day na wala akong suot na jacket dahil malamig sa examination room. I felt warm, feeling His loving embrace, felt so secure. Nakakatuwa rin isipin na kapag may item akong totally wala akong idea, I will just hold my rosary and humbly say "Lord, please help me." And yes, He was answering my prayers without me knowing it.

All those journeys with the Lord, I am very thankful because He has taken me this far. He never left me, He took me to the right path and guided me as I survived the last hurdle of my life as a BSN graduate.

Aside from God Almighty, gusto ko ring magpasalamat sa mga tao behind my success. My Mommy, Daddy, my siblings, lahat ng Titos, Titas and grandparents ko na walang sawang sumuporta sa akin. Even my college and highschool friends, they were with me all along. Walang araw na hindi nila sinabi sakin na "Kayang kaya mo yan" o kaya naman "Sure pass ka naman eh". Those words lifted my spirit up! I never stopped from dreaming and hoping. They all served as my inspiration to do great and give my best shot while answering the board exam. Walang sinabi ang mga sleepless nights ko at mala-maletang eyebags sa lakas ng loob na binigay nila saking lahat. From day 1 of my nursing course down to my in-house days, hindi nila ako iniwan. 

Now that I am a registered nurse, I became more mature in seeing things with a different perspective. Sooner magkaka-license na tayo and we should know how to take care of it. We have earned it in a hard way, kaya hindi rin dapat mawala in just a snap. Pinaghirapan natin 'to, of course we won't have it revoked kaya dapat pag-ingatan at maging isang ganap na nurse according to what is in our Code of Ethics. We are indeniably young professionals now, pero sabi nga ni Patricia Benner marami pa tayong pagdadaanan to become an expert nurse. Start taking things one step at a time. We have chosen a noble profession, and we should put our hearts in rendering service to the people who truly needs us.

Why am I writing this? Because I want to share my joys with you, and to express how much I am happy to say that finally I have reached ONE step towards my another dream: to become a physician. At kung pipili man ako ng school ko for Medicine, hindi na ako titingin sa iba. Gusto ko sa alma mater ko pa rin...... UERM. 

UERM has always been my second home. Masasabi kong talagang deserving kami na matawag na "Center of Excellence" because we have been molded as competent nurses. Hindi lang basta nagpoproduce ng nurses ang UERM because the quality of graduates is always the number one consideration. Alagang-alaga kami ng school mula first year lalo na nung review days namin. Sa in house, hindi lang busog ang utak mo sa information kundi sa masasarap na pagkain ng St. Michael's (namiss ko bigla). I am very proud of my batch, Archeans, for garnering 91.45% and 90.99% as the over-all passing rate of our school. It may sound "un-uerm" sabi nung iba, pero I believe that we are incomparable! First, we are the pioneer batch of the new curriculum and there's no point in comparing us to the performances of other batches. At kahit naman siguro hindi iba ang curriculum namin, wala pa ring dapat i-compare dahil iba iba ang bawat batch. We have our own unique intelligences and capacities--- different batches, different colors. Whatever others may think, I stand proud to say that Henry O. Pinos (9th place, topnotcher of June 2012 Nurse Licensure Examination) came from our batch! We are truly blessed for having this institution as our learning nest and training ground while we were in the making as future, competent nurses. Plus the excellent professors that we had. No doubt we made it this far!

If I will be asked what are my secrets in passing the board exam, I would just say three important words: 1) Be a cake, 2) Have a heart, 3) Inspiration.

1. BE A CAKE

I have adopted this line from Anna Tan, an alumna of UST and a registered nurse, when she says that "We are already cakes from the day we graduate. Reviewing for board exams is like putting an icing on top of it." Meaning, we are already prepared by our school for the battle. Sa review days, i-eenhance mo na lang lahat ng alam mo. It is really vital that you had a good foundation during your early years in Nursing. So before it's too late, take things seriously (if you haven't yet).

2. HAVE A HEART

Put your heart in everything that you do, and it'll be a piece of cake. If you are passionate about what you are doing, then there is no doubt that you will succeed. Kahit mahirap, try to love it! It's like pursuing the one you love. Diba kahit gaano kahirap, basta gusto mo, may paraan? That's how you should love Nursing, too. 

3. INSPIRATION

Maraming pwedeng maging inspiration, it's up to you. Family, friends, relatives, and most importantly, God. Do not forget to include Him while you're dreaming. Be with Him every step of the way. Let Him lead your way, you will never be lost. Pray and pray. Never stop thanking Him even though challenges come your way.

Wala na akong masabi. Ang galing ni Lord, sobra. I am still amazed until now by the fact na meron nang dalawang letters na naka-affix sa pangalan ko. Ang dalawang letra na napakahirap kunin. Two letters that require sacrifice, dedication and heart. 

Sincerely yours, 

Marie Frances Labilles-Lalican, RN