Maybe, Jason Mraz is right.... timing's everything

All I wanted was a fairytale-like love story. Just like any other girl. Alam ko namang walang such thing as "perfectly written love story" pero at the back of my head, it was full of happy fantasies and thoughts of meeting my Mr. Right at the most perfect time and moment. 

No one ever knew when's that time. At kahit nauso na yang wala-walang forever na yan, there is a tiny strand of hope inside me....believing that there is. Kaso nga lang, hindi naman ako na-inform na pwede palang mangyari yung mga ganung unforeseen circumstances. For everything that has happened to me at the last quarter of this year, I can say that 2015 has truly taught me well. Hindi talaga natapos ang taon ng walang pahabol na heartbreaks. Actually, sobrang timely nga ng mga events lately eh. Pati Miss Universe nakikiayon sa feelings ko. Akalain mong pwede na rin pala akong makoronahang Miss Colombia ng Pilipinas. Oo, ako na. Ako na talaga. Inaako ko na ang korona. Bakit ba kasi madali akong naniwala? I could have chosen not to fall into those trap of sweet words. Yun pala puro shit lang ang laman. Fucking empty, nonsense words coming from a too-good-to-be-true man. 

Yung totoo? Nung malaman kong 'tila hangin lang para sa kanya yung mga salita at pangakong binitawan niya? Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig. Hindi lang yon. Syempre hindi ko na maipapaliwanag 'yung sakit kasi walang appropriate na mga salita para doon. What I remembered was, I felt like I was the happiest girl on Cloud 9 and suddenly wala palang eroplanong susundo sa akin sa taas. Sa pinaka simpleng mga salita: iniwan sa ere. Sarap pala non? Grabe. Yung parang nasa gitna ka ng dagat tapos hindi ka marunong lumangoy, kasi biglang nawala yung nagtuturo sayo kung paano. Pero hindi na siya bumalik. Kaya hindi mo na alam papano pa babalik... hindi mo alam kung hahayaan mo bang lumubog ka na lang o lumaban kahit wala kang ka-alam alam, kahit mahirap.

Siguro nga lahat yun part lang. There are people in our lives who are not meant to stay, but they are only intended to teach us lessons we have to learn. Yes, the hard way. 

If it was my heart speaking, I'd say nasayangan lang ako sa oras at panahon. I regret all of the days and nights spent worthlessly thinking of that person, the time I tried to sneak out from my busy schedule, the efforts I exerted so that I can meet that bastard sooner. Marami pa akong itinaya na hindi na niya kailangang malaman. Hindi na mahalaga. Hindi rin naman kasi biro yung layo namin sa isa't isa eh. Imagine, yung gap ng oras at yung layo... milya. Pero higit sa lahat, tiwala. Yun ang pinaka nasayang. As of now I couldn't say I have forgiven and I know for sure I won't be able to forget easily because it's already a scar that has left of me.

Kung tutuusin, ang swerte nga niya eh. kasi I'm sure wala naman siyang napagdaanang ganito. Bakit, gaano ba kahirap ang sabihin lang sa chat na wala na? Sorry? Ganun na lang ba after everything? Maybe to him it wasn't everything. Nabigla lang? Nagkabiglaan? Sana lang diba, kung gagawa ng decision, wag padalos dalos kasi may madadamay eh. If he was thinking about me, maybe he'd decide not to bother me at all in the first place. Eh ako naman kasi si tanga. I've put all my faith on this man because I thought he was different. And because I've known him since we had our first heartbreaks during first grade, I saw how he matured during high school. We grew up together. That's why if I will be picking from a bunch of guys I have just met, I'd choose him over them. Ganun kasi kalaki yung tiwala ko sa kanya. Akala ko enough na yung kilala ko siya mula pagkabata. Hindi pala. Wala pala sa tagal ng pinagsamahan yun. He was the last person whom I know will hurt me like this. And again, I was so wrong. I should have known better.

I am writing this with feelings of resentment towards that person; but with a heart ready for change. I have already accepted the fact that love always comes with these kind of packages. You may or may not like it; but it we have a responsibility we have to take account. Lagi namang ganun diba? Love is a gamble, it does not give any guarantee that you will win. It is always a risk worth taking because you know, in the end, you'll find that one person. That one person whom you imagine waking up with every morning. That one person you'll never get tired of fighting with but always ending up with losing the argument instead of losing the person. That one person who'll make you believe again na meron talagang forever.

And if I may give a piece of advice to guys for you to be called as men. Sana, wag na kayong mangako. Wag puro salita, just prove your worth. Kasi ang mga salita, pwedeng bawiin. But if you try to prove it with actions, it cannot be undone. At kung gagawa ng decision, touchmove. Alam ko namang hindi lang ang mga babae ang nasasaktan, pero always bear in mind that women are truly strong by nature. But deep down, we have fragile hearts. So please handle them with care. Utmost care. TLC. Basta yung care that we truly deserve.

I am speaking in behalf of the girls na na-Colombiazoned, napaasa at nasaktan. Pero I am brave enough to face another year and leave everything behind. Naniniwala akong somewhere out there, andyan lang siya, waiting for the right time. Sabi nga sa Eclessiastes 3:1-8, there is a perfect time for everything. God is already making the best love story for me... sometimes I become a little impatient, but this time, I am willing to gracefully wait for His will so that everything's going to fall into its right places. And when that time comes, I will be able to let go of all the memories that hurt, embrace the present and get ready for the great future that is in store for me. For now, I will focus on my goal on being a doctor and the rest will follow. :)

Something new

Hey! It's been a long time since I wrote an entry here. 2013 hasn't been a really good year for me, except for the fact that I have started one of the milestones of my life-- starting first year in Medical school. It wasn't really easy for me to survive this gruesome and challenging adjusting phase on my way to being an M.D. but I still managed to be alive after almost 10 months of sleepless nights and reading superkaduper unlimited transes of Anatomy, Biochem, Physiology and all other minor subjects na minsan pa-major pa.

Being a medical student is prestigious, yes, but it entails a lot of sacrifice and hardwork to be one. Ang kalaban ko lagi, antok dahil sa puyat at pagod. But thanks to our forever buddy coffee. Nung college never akong nahilig sa kape. Sa katunayan kapag pinagtitimpla ako ng kape, lagi akong tumatanggi kasi I didn't like its taste. Always. My perception about coffee and my relationship with it has changed in medical school. I fell in love with it. Every single day I need it, at habang nagsstruggle ako sa pagbabasa ng mga pagkahaba-habang transes it helped me fight my way out of extreme lethargy. Hahaha. Seriously, nung 1st semester lalo. Para kaming mga taong bahay ng Starbucks Fort. I remembered how we went there just right after classes. I just had to fix my reviewers at dorm and freshen up a little bit tapos we went straight to Fort to study from evening up to the wee hours of morning. Dun ko nga narealize na ang sarap ng feeling na sikatan ka ng araw ng nagbabasa (by the way, this statement is full of sarcasm). I admit I really had a hard time adjusting. And I am not a god to say na I did not fail long examinations. Yes I did, but this alarmed me and pushed me to become better. Sabi nga nila, failures are meant to teach you important lessons in life. I did learn my lesson, na dapat seize every moment. Every chance of getting up from falling down, mahalaga yun. Also, value what is given to you. I consider myself very fortunate for being enrolled in a good medical school aside from the fact that being a medical student is something to be proud of. Post graduate course, not everyone's having the opportunity to study again after graduating from a bachelor's degree. I thank God every day for my parents because they allowed me to pursue my childhood dream. They have always told me that education is the most precious gift that they can give to me. Kaya nung pumayag si Daddy na pag-aralin ako ng Med, sobrang saya ko. That's why I always bear in mind na I swear I would make every cent count. Gusto ko sulit lahat ng babayaran ni Daddy para naman lahat ng pagod nya sa work eh worth it. I won't waste this chance to make them proud and be their own private physician someday. :)

RN: That two precious letters

Habang sinusulat ko 'to hindi ko ma-dedeny na nakangiti pa rin ako. This is the second night since I knew that I passed the recently concluded June 30-July 1 Nurse Licensure Examination---pero iba pa rin yung feeling, hindi nakakasawang tignan yung pangalan ko sa kung saan-saang site na merong roster ng successful examinees.

I am the 14,607th passer among the 27,823 newly registered RNs. Isa lang ako sa mga libo-libong nangarap, nag-asam, at humiling na makapasa ng Nurse Licensure Exam. For every student nurse, this is a remarkable milestone in their lives. The joy of seeing your name in the list-- yung eksenang nanginginig at halos manigas na yung kamay mo sa sobrang pagsscroll down sa kakahanap ng pangalan mo. That one unforgettable moment of finally seeing your surname together with your first and middle name on the official roll of examinees who succeeded. ONE WORD TO DESCRIBE IT: SARAP.

Ang sarap ng feeling na FINALLY, you have reaped the fruit of your hardwork. Hindi biro ang apat na taon na pagpapainit ng pwitan sa upuan during long hours of lecture sa major subjects (lalo na NCM), yung mga hindi makakalimutang community exposures-- hassles kapag umuulan kasi puti pa naman ang uniform mo (pero wala na rin kaming care sa putik lalo na kapag naghahiking sa kabundukan ng Cogeo) para lang makapag house-to-house visit, interview dito, interview doon, walang kamatayang household surveys at sandamakmak na FNCPs na kahit pagod na pagod ka na from duty, wala kang choice. Yung mga epic moments na muntik na kayong mahuli ng CI nyo na nakatambay sa tindahan kasi "tapos" na kayo mag ocular survey, yung mga tao sa community na sobrang naiirita na kasi paulit-ulit na lang daw ang mga tanong. Minsan nga pagsasarahan ka pa ng pinto, or worse sisigaw si Ate ng "Walang tao!"(pero the fact na nagsalita siya diba, haha). Hindi ko rin makakalimutan yung mga times na muntik na kaming mahabol ng aso, tapos may isang Kuya pa nung Management duty namin sa community sabi niya sa amin: "Ate, pacheck up naman." Kami naman lumapit tapos hahatakin pala kami sa loob ng bahay niya. Lahat na ata ng scary, nakakatawa at nakakaiyak na-experience na namin dahil sa pag-cocommunity. Sa wards naman, hindi mo rin makakalimutan ang mga masusungit na NODs, yung feeling na na-delay yung IVs mo tapos patay ka sa team leader niyo kasi treatment nurse ka pa naman, precon-soapie-VS-bedside-VS-postcon (repeat until fade), breaks na parang hindi naman kasi gumagawa ka rin ng soapie, yung pakiramdam na parang pinipilipit na yung paa mo sa long hours of standing, nakakapressure na CIs, bully na mga bantay ng pasyente, charting na parang walang ending, endorsement na nakakabangag lalo na kapag graveyard shift ka, at ang ibang mga demanding na patients. 

...Those were the toxic days na gusto mo na lang magbigti sa sobrang pagod, puyat, at kung anu-ano pang mixed emotions na isang dakilang student nurse lamang ang tanging makakaintindi.

Pero admit it, the very moment you saw your name on the list, nawala lahat ng pagtingin mong yan sa pagiging student nurse, and Nursing itself. 

During my BSN days, I was an average student back then. First year at second year, nag-eexcel pa ako. In fact, I once became a dean's lister. But those were the days when I was still not pressured, yung parang wala pang masyadong stress. Pero come 3rd year, I strived hard to pass every subject. It came to a point that I have to meet a target grade in order to surpass. But I did not falter. It became my motivation to push harder beyond my limitations and try not to stay within my comfort zone. I had to double my efforts, mag-aral ng mabuti, to stay in UERM and be at least a responsible student kahit hindi ganung nag-eexcel, because I know I am giving my best in every endeavor that I encounter lalo na nung mapromote ako to Level IV. There I realized that I should take one step as a big leap. Hindi na pwede yung petiks na parang dati. Natatandaan ko pa kung gaano ko ka-excited mag Management nun kasi ang ganda ng uniform, sobrang classy. Pero the moment I wore the uniform, I had this realization na wearing that uniform comes with a greater responsibility. The last semester passed swiftly and at last, I was able to graduate and become a UERM alumni, officially.

Akala ko dun lang nagtatapos. But the journey doesn't end there. Kapag nursing student ka, hindi pala graduation ang tunay na masaya. It is when you can be finally called a "registered nurse."

August 23, 2012 around 2:00pm. The day before I was kind of expecting the results because I saw many posts saying na it will be released soon, pero I have really no idea kung joke na naman ba 'to or something kasi nakakadala na talagang umasa (as I was saying, paasa ang PRC) kasi August 17 pa lang naghihintay at nakaantabay na ang lahat sa results. Nakakaloka! Ang hirap sa dibdib nung agony of waiting. Although I felt the same way when I was taking the actual board exams pero doble pala yung sakit sa puso ng paghihintay sa results. Well, honestly ayoko talaga na ako yung unang makakakita nung name ko sa list kasi hindi ko kaya. I am acting like a coward little girl, really. Every day I was praying to God, asking Him for the serenity of my mind, and the openness of my heart to accept whatever the results may be. Pumasa man o hindi, I will still praise Him. I promised God that I will be patiently waiting. Prayers are really powerful-- day by day gumagaan yung pakiramdam ko, my fears were slowly turning into courage. At 'yun na nga, the most awaited day came into picture.

Clueless talaga ako na lalabas na yung results. I was tweeting pa then suddenly I saw some posts saying "meron na results" I checked the PRC site myself (hindi ko naman ugaling magrefresh ng site because before when I was habitually doing it wala namang bago) but that time,  I saw the headline and YES THE RESULTS ARE OUT. I felt the intensity of my ADRENALINE RUSH!!!! Swear sinubukan ko talagang pakalmahin yung sarili ko, nag DBE pa and all, tapos later on I told myself "Marie, this is it!" Okay na sana talaga kaso yung PDF from the site sooooooooobrang tagal magdownload. Parang 2072861972 years ata akong naghintay na magload pero nalaman ko na't lahat lahat hindi pa rin nadownload. So I was panicking because I was already seeing posts from my batchmates na "RN na ko!!!!!" mas lalong nakadagdag sa pressure at kaba na nararamdaman ko that time. Plus, sa hindi inaasahang pagkakataon, my Mom knocked at the door because it was her routine na i-check ako kapag dumadating siya ng hapon. I was not planning to tell Mommy yet hangga't hindi ko nakikita sana pero plan fail. Too late na kasi nakita na niya kung ano yung bino-browse ko. Of course si Mommy mas excited yan sakin kaya as expected, mas kinakabahan pa siya nung time na hindi namin maopen yung file. Hahaha! Natatawa na lang ako ngayon kapag naalala ko yung intense naming conversation bago ko malaman na pasado na ako.

Me: "Ma, pano kung hindi ako pumasa?"

Mommy: "Okay lang anak tatanggapin natin kahit anong ipagkaloob ni Lord..."

Me: "Sige, promise yan ah?"

My mind was in a blank state during that time, sabog talaga. Hindi ko na nga naisip na i-check yung ibang sites at wag na umasa sa pdf kasi nakalimutan ko rin na pwede ko nga palang i-google. Grabe yun talaga, epic. Buti na lang si Bianca tumawag. She called me up and said: "Bruds, congrats!" sabi ko naman "Weh!!!!" she continued "OO NGA!"... okay. I had to count 1,2,3 within me then I inhaled deeply, sumigaw na ko sa kwarto ko. I came running to my parents' room and started shouting and screaming at the top of my voice: "MA!!!!!!! RN na ko!!!!" 

...That priceless moment.

Mommy gave me a BIG, BEAR HUG. We were both crying and I could not even process what is really happening around me. All I knew was.. my mom hugging me.. mumbling "Anak, ang galing mo, thank you Lord" those words kept playing on my head. For about three minutes the world stopped, mom did not let me go of her embrace. We kept crying and me, myself couldn't believe it was true. Yun yung example ng mga eksenang "pakisampal-mo-nga-ako-baka-kasi-nananaginip-lang-ako". I also called my Daddy and I guess he was surprised when he heard me crying while telling him na pasado na ako ng boards at RN na ako. Parehas sila ng sinabi ni Mommy, natuwa rin si Daddy. Napaiyak ako ng malakas (yung as in hagulgol type) lalo na nung personally kong makita yung pangalan ko sa listahan. And yes, it was me. It was my name, and it says there "Roll of Successful Examinees". 

Epic. Memorable. Priceless.

Wala na akong ibang nasabi kundi "Thank you Lord" over and over again. Until now, I couldn't stop praising Him for the greatest present He has given me so far. It was indeed a wonderful miracle and I am a living proof of this. Sobrang galing ni Lord, He never failed to amaze me every time. Siya lang ang nakakaalam ng lahat ng paghihirap ko, lahat ng sacrifices ko, at lahat ng pinagdaanan ko bago ko 'to marating. I have experienced failures many times but now I know why He gave all those trials to me. Nasaktan ako, nadapa, pero hindi ako natakot na tumayo ulit kasi alam kong nandyan Siya. When I was taking the board examination, I was very happy to feel His presence. Naramdaman ko na nasa tabi ko si Lord while I was shading every item, na hawak nya yung pencil ko leading me to the right answers, at siya rin yung naging living jacket ko lalo na nung 2nd day na wala akong suot na jacket dahil malamig sa examination room. I felt warm, feeling His loving embrace, felt so secure. Nakakatuwa rin isipin na kapag may item akong totally wala akong idea, I will just hold my rosary and humbly say "Lord, please help me." And yes, He was answering my prayers without me knowing it.

All those journeys with the Lord, I am very thankful because He has taken me this far. He never left me, He took me to the right path and guided me as I survived the last hurdle of my life as a BSN graduate.

Aside from God Almighty, gusto ko ring magpasalamat sa mga tao behind my success. My Mommy, Daddy, my siblings, lahat ng Titos, Titas and grandparents ko na walang sawang sumuporta sa akin. Even my college and highschool friends, they were with me all along. Walang araw na hindi nila sinabi sakin na "Kayang kaya mo yan" o kaya naman "Sure pass ka naman eh". Those words lifted my spirit up! I never stopped from dreaming and hoping. They all served as my inspiration to do great and give my best shot while answering the board exam. Walang sinabi ang mga sleepless nights ko at mala-maletang eyebags sa lakas ng loob na binigay nila saking lahat. From day 1 of my nursing course down to my in-house days, hindi nila ako iniwan. 

Now that I am a registered nurse, I became more mature in seeing things with a different perspective. Sooner magkaka-license na tayo and we should know how to take care of it. We have earned it in a hard way, kaya hindi rin dapat mawala in just a snap. Pinaghirapan natin 'to, of course we won't have it revoked kaya dapat pag-ingatan at maging isang ganap na nurse according to what is in our Code of Ethics. We are indeniably young professionals now, pero sabi nga ni Patricia Benner marami pa tayong pagdadaanan to become an expert nurse. Start taking things one step at a time. We have chosen a noble profession, and we should put our hearts in rendering service to the people who truly needs us.

Why am I writing this? Because I want to share my joys with you, and to express how much I am happy to say that finally I have reached ONE step towards my another dream: to become a physician. At kung pipili man ako ng school ko for Medicine, hindi na ako titingin sa iba. Gusto ko sa alma mater ko pa rin...... UERM. 

UERM has always been my second home. Masasabi kong talagang deserving kami na matawag na "Center of Excellence" because we have been molded as competent nurses. Hindi lang basta nagpoproduce ng nurses ang UERM because the quality of graduates is always the number one consideration. Alagang-alaga kami ng school mula first year lalo na nung review days namin. Sa in house, hindi lang busog ang utak mo sa information kundi sa masasarap na pagkain ng St. Michael's (namiss ko bigla). I am very proud of my batch, Archeans, for garnering 91.45% and 90.99% as the over-all passing rate of our school. It may sound "un-uerm" sabi nung iba, pero I believe that we are incomparable! First, we are the pioneer batch of the new curriculum and there's no point in comparing us to the performances of other batches. At kahit naman siguro hindi iba ang curriculum namin, wala pa ring dapat i-compare dahil iba iba ang bawat batch. We have our own unique intelligences and capacities--- different batches, different colors. Whatever others may think, I stand proud to say that Henry O. Pinos (9th place, topnotcher of June 2012 Nurse Licensure Examination) came from our batch! We are truly blessed for having this institution as our learning nest and training ground while we were in the making as future, competent nurses. Plus the excellent professors that we had. No doubt we made it this far!

If I will be asked what are my secrets in passing the board exam, I would just say three important words: 1) Be a cake, 2) Have a heart, 3) Inspiration.

1. BE A CAKE

I have adopted this line from Anna Tan, an alumna of UST and a registered nurse, when she says that "We are already cakes from the day we graduate. Reviewing for board exams is like putting an icing on top of it." Meaning, we are already prepared by our school for the battle. Sa review days, i-eenhance mo na lang lahat ng alam mo. It is really vital that you had a good foundation during your early years in Nursing. So before it's too late, take things seriously (if you haven't yet).

2. HAVE A HEART

Put your heart in everything that you do, and it'll be a piece of cake. If you are passionate about what you are doing, then there is no doubt that you will succeed. Kahit mahirap, try to love it! It's like pursuing the one you love. Diba kahit gaano kahirap, basta gusto mo, may paraan? That's how you should love Nursing, too. 

3. INSPIRATION

Maraming pwedeng maging inspiration, it's up to you. Family, friends, relatives, and most importantly, God. Do not forget to include Him while you're dreaming. Be with Him every step of the way. Let Him lead your way, you will never be lost. Pray and pray. Never stop thanking Him even though challenges come your way.

Wala na akong masabi. Ang galing ni Lord, sobra. I am still amazed until now by the fact na meron nang dalawang letters na naka-affix sa pangalan ko. Ang dalawang letra na napakahirap kunin. Two letters that require sacrifice, dedication and heart. 

Sincerely yours, 

Marie Frances Labilles-Lalican, RN

First hurdle done, more to come!

God has finally given me the sunniest day of my life, ever.

April 22, 2012-- the most awaited day of every Archean. Before we actually reached this far, we had to undergo so much....of everything. Four years of hardwork, sacrifice, happiness, triumphs, joys and sorrows. All of these rollercoaster of emotions we had to cling on, just because we have to. I can really say that we deserve this day so well! I couldn't ask for anything more when it sinked deep down to my senses, "Gagraduate na talaga ko." When it was pronounced officially, my heart has jumped to extreme euphoria. It is the greatest gift that I can give to my parents. My Mom never failed to remind me that education is always the best thing that they can provide us, for it can never be stolen. And I know this fact applies to every graduate  out there. Sabi nga nila, mas masaya pa ang mga magulang kapag nakapagpatapos sila ng anak. I have witnessed how my Mom & Dad smiled during my Pinning & Academic Graduation.... and their smiles were really priceless. I haven't seen them wore these brightest smiles until my graduation day came. And yes, mas excited pa nga si Mommy sakin. Hahaha. :)

My proud parents :) <3

I am also equally grateful to the people who have been a big part of this success, and together--- we conquered  our rocky journey towards getting the diploma. My college friends has always been my inspiration and motivation to strive harder. Walang iwanan talaga! I remember we once promised to each other when we were in our second year "Nagsimula tayo sa UERM ng magkakasama, hanggang sa huli dapat magkakasama pa rin tayo!"  I'm so glad that we kept this promise to each other and I know until the last hurdle, we will all surpass it with flying colors.

My review buddies :)

Colleagues na tayo!! Fellow nurses/friends :)

These are only papers to certify that we are finished with all the requirements for the degree of Bachelor of Science in Nursing (Ang sarap pakinggan na degree holder na ko!) But what matters most is the learning experience that we have obtained for the entire four years. It wasn't really easy to conquer Nursing!! Caring for patients is not theory based, you must also have the heart to give yourself and dedicate your service to the needy. For me, being a nurse is a God-given opportunity--- it is a calling. I consider myself so blessed every time I have the chance to interact with my patients and take care of them holistically, not only dealing with their physical needs but also completing the needs of their whole being through fulfilling their needs spiritually. At totoo na nakakagaling ang pakikitungo ng nurse sa pasyente niya. During my experiences in the wards of UERM Hospital, one of my patients have told me: "Iha, kapag nakangiti kayo talagang nakakagaan ng pakiramdam." I felt so appreciated and experiences like these are really remarkable, that it has shaped me to become a competent nurse.

The proof of being a degree holder. My diploma!!!

Fruit of my love & passion in serving "The Ensemble" through
my gift of music. Very rewarding :)

I am very proud to say that I am a UERM Alumna because this institution has really taught me how to be resilient, persevering and determined. It is not about the quantity of graduates produced but the QUALITY is always the priority. I believe that this June 30-July 1, 2012 Integrated Nurses Licensure Examination, we will again garner one of the places in the Top 10!!! And I am really looking forward to 100%!!! This is the last hurdle. Ngayon pa ba tayo bibitaw? :)

NUMBER 1!!!
Roomies/friends at inhouse!!! Memories
will forever be missed:)

ARCHEANS 100% :)

Changes

Kahapon sobrang I don't know whats up with me that I had these very unpredictable moodswings. While I was in the grocery buying things for the school implementation I was really on a high, feeling ko ang poker face ko, napaka expressionless daig ko pa ang patient na may Myasthenia gravis. Ha-ha. And now I am fine, doing this short note para naman medyo sumaya saya ang buhay ko.

With these things I realized how changes take place in my life. Parang moods ko lang yan e, ang bilis bilis magpalit. It was soo yesterday when I was ranting na "haaaaaay day 1 down chn" and now I am about to have my last chn duty later and I can finally say "Goodbye Cogeo! Forever!!!!!''

Tapos ilang araw, hospital duty na. grabe cant believe. Days & nights pass by so swiftly that I cant keep up with it. I almost lost track of time due to many, many stressors in the world.

The next thing I will know, nurse na ko. Yun e!

#Random

good night.

How to describe my 2011 in one word: EPIC.

I couldn't believe another year has again passed by right before my eyes. It seemed like yesterday when I started to plan for my new year's resolutions for 2011 and now, I am writing the summary of my rollercoaster experiences of the year. Actually, I am not thinking about new year's resolutions anymore because it always fails me. As I looked back on my planner, I realized how much I've flopped these "resolutions."

Here, I wanted to share to all of you my 2011 "supposed-to-be" resolutions:

1) I will not be late for school anymore. (Weh? As in isang malaking weh)
2) I will control my overeating and lose weight (Everything happened in contrary to this statement. I hate to say this, but I have gained so much weight this year. Haha)
3) I will try to be frugal and save money everyday, at least P100. (Oh well, this is partly true. I have been saving money but I am not frugal. I am still the same impulsive shopper.)
4) I will not cram in reviewing anymore. (Ummmmm. I could not help procastinating!)
5) I will lessen my hours in Facebook and allot it for reading if a real book, instead (Medyo totoo siguro. I have lessened my time in Facebook because I have been wasting my time on Twitter! Haha)
6) I will try to keep my promises and not to break it. (Big lie, after all)

But above all of these, there is one statement in my planner that I have pinky sweared with.

....I will enjoy life a whole lot more and appreciate even
the most unnoticeable opportunities and blessings! :)

I did. I really do. 


Epic. This is how I would describe my 2011. Maybe it did not go that smoothly as what I have expected but for now, I can say that I have learned so much from every milestone and heartache that I went through. It was a bittersweet story for me.

As a year ender, I would like to share the highlights of my year. From my joys, triumphs, pain, hardships and successes. I would really love to impart this with you and follow the timeline as it unfolds.

January 2011

• Was booked for Singapore-Malaysia trip!
• New phone, Nokia E72
• Bad memories of Philippine Orthopedic Center duty (ha-ha!)

February 2011

• The oh-so-fun NCMH duty. I just love Psych
• ASAP Sessionistas Concert sponsored by Daddy Dave
• Tagaytay Escapade with Jewel, Naybebe and Inay Riz
• Sportsfest 2011
• Hospicio De San Jose exposure with D14's Happy Birthday, Anne Curtis!
• Met my most lovable patient of all, Kim, at Psych ward.
• Daddy's Birthday

March 2011

• Irah's 18th birthday at Amber's
• My faith has been moved and tested. I almost died when I knew my status, NCM 104 matters. It was a life and death situation. Ha-ha!
• Super stressed out (thesis making and defense, lots of finals to survive)
• First professional studio shoot by Sir Edward Padama
• I passed the 2nd semester of my 3rd year! Thank God :)
• Eya's recognition day

April 2011

• Matt Gideon's 1st birthday
• Invited to sing for a graduation (Taytay Elementary School) c/o my first voice teacher, Tchr. Linda
• Einstein's summertime fun
• My 1st NMAT examination
• April 13 = cursed day.
• Altairs' Pinning Ceremony and Graduation
• One proud member of UERM Chorale
• Black Saturday at Bonifacio High Street's Walkway
• My little sister's first piano recital on an Easter Sunday
• First and last catch at Shalom (DR cases complete!!!)

May 2011

• Joined Twitter. Haha!
• First struggle just to get home. Yes, nagsquat ako sa jeep sa sobrang walang masakyan. Me already! =))
• Flight preparations: Shopped 'til I drop with Mom
• SINGAPORE-MALAYSIA TRIP (May 16-23, 2011) I really fell in love with Singapore and Malaysia... sobrang bitin 'to and in fact I didn't want to go back to Philippines. Chos
• Went back to Shalom para magtreat
• Daddy's got a new baby car
• My very own shih-tzu is home. Toffee!

June 2011

• Senior year! 
• Forever & a day with Bubbles, Kore & Bianca that eventually ended up with a "forever stranded day" hahaha
• 1st community duty as a 4th year student
• New group, A2 :)
• 1st unit examination: Oncology

July 2011

• Vice Ganda's Todong Sample sa Araneta. Thank you Tita for the tickets!
• My Altairs' friends Nurse Licensure Examination
• Transformers 3: One happy bonding with my Tita, Eya, Franz 
• Mom and Dad's 20th wedding anniversary
• Found lovely friends
• My little sister's 10th birthday celebration at Shakeys
• Childhouse duty where my heart was deeply touched by the kids who were struggling to fight cancer at that early age
• Baby Gab was confined & I had to look after him.
• Mommy's 42nd birthday

August 2011

• Got that precious opportunity to sing at Diamond Hotel with The Ensemble for Philippine Nurses Association
• We started our thesis implementation at Lung Center of the Philippines 
• Ensemble's Tagaytay getaway with the new members!
• Attended Intergraduate Research Colloquium for D14
• Happy Lemon with Faye and JP
• Mam Janelle's Birthday celebration with Ensemble
• Cardiopulmonary Nursing duty started, grabeeeee stress hahaha
• Disaster Nursing RLE Simulations
• Started studying for Oral Revalida
• My photoshoot at Fort Santiago

September 2011

• CPN duties sunod-sunod, toxic nights and days with Rai and Trix and Ma'am Verain pero I really found it the best learning experience plus I love my groupmates and the CI! 
• Bonchon with Ate Tasha & Ensemble
• Case Presentation ni Bebe Trix na sobrang sabog hahaha "Tetralogy of Fallot---what is balot?"
• Last week of hospital duty with A2 at EENT Ward. Fuuuun! :)
• Emergency room duties with A2 and Ate Mai, enjoyed it a lot!
• IVT lectures 
• September 8, a very blessed day for me because that day I learned that I passed all the concepts for NCM106 (Onco, ABC, Disaster) Praise God!
• Major case presentation for CPN
• Reunited with Eden and highschool loves!
• Last duty na nga lang for CPN, toxic pa! (Furosemide and albumin, wooooo)
• Party like it's the end of the world with highschool friends plus Bebe Trix at Las Brisas, basag night! Hahaha
• Nursing Leadership & Management orientation (Yes naman senior na talaga)
• Altairs' Testimonial Dinner and after party at Padis Point Cubao

October 2011

• All the stress in the world is right here! Finals month
• Management lectures 
• Started Competency Appraisal 1 with Group 16 :)
• My brother's 18th birthday
• Major research defense, D14--- we passed!!!
• Because of Ensemble, I had my fangirls. Haha!
• Thesis paper revisions
• NCM106 final exam
• October 22: The most awaited Oral Revalida (Proud to say, Yes I conquered it!)
• CA Written exam finals (Uy, di ako nagreview. Haha srsly)
• Sembreak

November 2011

• Daddy gave me the best gift ever, my new Macbook Pro
• Enchanted Kingdom/Tagaytay with the Budoys!
• Second semester of being a senior (Last semester of being a BSN student!)
• Workshop on carrying out MD's orders, Admission discharge etc with Sir Perez
• 11.11.11
• Community orientation (NCM107)
• Altairs' ASC Pinning Ceremony with Ensemble
• Start of the very stressful community duty management
• Run for Pasig 2011 (It takes one step at a time, there's no need to rush) 
• Fourth time ko na sa Tagaytay with Kore, Bianx and Bula (People's Park in the Sky) lunch tapos balik agad hahaha power trip
• Baby Gab's Christening
• Eunice Joy @ 20
• Manila Ocean Park Adventures!

December 2011

• Antipolo Fiesta with friends
• My 20th birthday treat at Calleza Grill/overnight inuman and unlimited videoke with friends
• Officially applied for UERM College of Medicine (Thank you so much Mommy!)
• NMAT part 2 at Benavides Bldg, UST. It's all about faith
• I fell in love with Moonleaf!
• Super stressed out with CHN
• Dean Dumlao passed away, sang at her wakes and interment at Loyola Commonwealth with The Ensemble :(
• Christmas Party at Atty. Salonga's home with Ensemble. Happy Birthday Dr. Lim!
• I appreciated Ma'am Lim even more. I treat her now as my second Mom :)
• The Prayer with Sir Alex Bitanghol. Performed for the program of Pasko sa Center 2011. What a big break for me! A dream come true as well
• Christmas Shopping at GH (Thank you Daddy!)
• Watched Enteng ng Ina Mo at Trinoma
• High school reunion at Mina's with Sir Owe
• Kanin Club with Ensemble (Uy, umaasenso! Hahaha)
• Grades released 1st semester 4th year. I love my NCM & Research grades!
• Nanay's Birthday 
• Lost my globe phone cus I dropped it sa jeep
• General room clean up before the year ends
• Deprived of vacation kasi we were at school from Dec 26-28 to finish the thesis for community. But everything's worth it because we are already approved for ethics! Yay

For me, the best highlight of this year is my Singapore/Malaysia trip because it is my first international trip with Mom. I really enjoyed every bit of it!

Win some, lose some. It has been a very long year for me, indeed.

I couldn't imagine how I have grown up since. Whatever ups & downs I have been through, it all helped me to become a better person-- and every moment has shaped me to become more mature. I loved and I will always be in love with this year. Thank you for being a part of it!

To everyone who made my 2011 meaningful, my family-- Mommy, Daddy, Eya & Franz, Lalican & Labilles clan, D14, A2, Group 5, Ensemble Family, Girlfriends, Bestfriends, UERM friends, Highschool friends and to all my friends out there (too many to mention, haha).... Please stay with me and let's make new memories as 2012 comes in! I love each and everyone, and I would really love it even more if you will all stay forever here with me. :)

I am soooo looking forward for this year because this is Archeans' time to shine! Graduation coming up, plus our July 2012 Nurse Licensure Exam (100% yan!!!) I can feel it, positive vibes!

Pano ba yan, party like it's 2012 na!
(No, it ain't the end of the world, 'cus it's a brand new beginning!)

The Oral Revalida experience

Allow me to vent out my feelings here because tonight will be the first time since a long long time ago na matutulog ako ng walang iniisip na worries (it has been a month na napaparanoid ako) 

Yes, it is for orals. 

Every day trending ata sa Twitter ang results ng orals since it has started. October came in, sobrang stressed out and toxic na ang buong Archeans due to too much academic demands and too little time. Minsan na-experience ko na sobrang tumunganga na lang literally, sa sobrang pagod and at the same time thinking if I could still do it. Sabi nga ni Ma'am Lim kanina when she prayed for us before we went to our respective rooms for orals, na we have gone this far.. ngayon pa ba kami bibitaw? Very true. Time has been fleeing so fast, hindi ko na nga napansin na natapos na kami ng 9th semester namin out of 10 (Shocks isa na lang) and that I have already conquered my greatest fear by testing my ability to express myself through this oral revalida.

One week before my orals I had been so impatient waiting for my turn because the agony was sooo prolonged that I am assigned to the last day. Honestly sobrang inggit ako sa lahat ng batchmates ko na nagbbrag about what they picked and how their orals went through. But it was also actually ironic dahil hindi pa rin ako prepared, though gusto ko na matapos. Haha. Anyway, I had that edge of time to prepare so I was able to finish 25 out of 30 diseases. Yung 5 na hindi ko naaral, it was actually communicable diseases. Bukod sa nagkaron ako ng shortage of time to review those, ayoko rin talaga aralin yun because I simply do not like the topic. And it was already in my mind na HINDI ko mabubunot yun. Ever.

I really believed in the power of the mind. Humingi din ako ng signs kay Lord kung anong mabubunot ko. He immediately gave me an answer (akala ko, yun na talaga) There were so many signs na nakita ko--- may nakasabay ako one time na nakacast sa fx, tapos the night after, I dreamt exactly of my clinical instructor with me tapos Osteoporosis daw nabunot ko; the same day I went to Mezza with my friends and saw a lot of Anlene around, I also saw one of my batchmates holding a copy of the pathophysiology of Osteoporosis. Grabe. Sabi ko nga sa Kanya, "Lord, isa lang naman hinihingi ko, ang dami nyong binigay" Kidding aside, well I studied that disease very carefully not because of too much hope na sana yun ang mabunot ko but in case na mangyari yun, at least I am prepared. 

October 22, Saturday. It was 2:00 in the morning when I woke up. I was not able to return back to sleep because my anxiety level became higher and higher every time, and I can't really sleep. Nung nasa holding room na ko, 7:45am I felt like---- omg ito na yun. At last you're here and the agony will be over anytime soon. Second batch ako, I had a little more time to adjust and set my mind that it is my judgment day. Mam Lim called my name, finally. I did my very best and with all the luck of my hand, I picked up one paper from Iglot. Unti unti ko pang binuksan (Pasuspense?) tapos nakita ko: Bitanghol, A. 

OMG. AS IN OH MY GOD. Fifteen silang CI, imagine. Tapos of all the clinical instructors siya pa nabunot ko. Wala namang problema kay Sir Alex. I had a big problem because I wasn't able to study CD. For a moment I stood still and felt like a statue of ice =))) Sobrang nanlamig ako at pinagpawisan ng beri hard. It was the most remarkable moment of my life so far. But of course, I didn't have the choice! Alangan namang ibalik ko yung paper kay Iglot. It was a matter of life and death. Either I stay or I go, either I live or I die. 

Well, I chose to go and die.

I went to the room where I am supposed to report and faced my greatest fear. Para akong sumabak sa laban ng walang dalang armas :))) I trusted my own instincts and capacity. Bago ko lumapit kay Sir, I told myself that I can do it. Pinabunot na nya ako pero dalawang cases lang yung nasa kanya (Leptospirosis, Rabies) at wala naman akong choice kahit yung Malaria lang yung alam ko kasi wala naman dun. Napilitan na lang talaga. Go kung go. Ayoko na kumuha ng pangalawang case 'cuz its a sign of weakness, as for me. When I got the case, I read it very carefully like thrice ata yun before ako nakapagcome up ng cues and the patho. Honestly it was so hard for me to generate a pathophysiology na hindi ko naman talaga alam yung disease process. Ang alam ko lang, Rhabdovirus ang viral agent ng Rabies at yung traditional compensatory mechanism ng lahat ng virus eh nagmmultiply sa bloodstream at meron laging portal of entry, reservoir, portal of exit =)))) Hahaha. All those knowledge that I had, ginamit ko lang, pero bahala na. 

Sir Alex asked me a lot of questions but I answered it with all my might, based on my instincts only. Hahahaha. Ang lakas ng loob ko, grabe. Probably because I asked for God's guidance at alam ko habang nagsusulat ako sa whiteboard, kasama ko Siya. Well His graces worked on me. That 45 minute glory of expressing myself and proving what I have learned for the past two semesters, I am really thankful for it. Kahit hindi na-meet yung expectations ko, okay lang rin. 

The moment I walked out the room I had mixed emotions. I don't know how to feel, because at some point I was disappointed. Kumbaga sa DABDA eh nasa Bargaining stage na ko. I was asking myself "Bakit hindi si Ma'am Verain nabunot ko para Respi na lang?" (Fyi: I was chanting 30 mins before my orals, telling na sana respi sana respi sana respi. Okay lang kahit ano wag lang cd wag lang cd wag lang cd) Hahaha. Funny but true enough. Sabi ko nga kasi I always believed in the power of the mind, but I am questioned why it didn't work for me the time I actually needed it most. 

Agony's over... and there are three things that I have learned, yun ang pinakamahalaga. First, God won't give us trials that we could not handle. Maybe at first I was telling myself na grabe sobrang mapagbiro ni God, sabi ko nga sa kanya kahit ano, wag lang yung CD. But He gave me that. I know, He has His own purpose kung bakit yun ang ibinigay nya sakin. Probably He knows best that I CAN DO IT, AND I CAN HANDLE IT. Second, you can't get everything that you want. Minsan, talagang life would have to disappoint you with such things. Life is full of surprises, at talagang kanina... sobrang nasurprise ako.:)))) Lastly, expectations hurt. From the start pa lang talaga dapat di na ko nagexpect na all the outcomes would turn out to be good :) Sometimes I just have to learn to accept. And still I am very very thankful because I have reached this far.

Now, I can finally say....... I AM DONE WITH ORAL REVALIDA AND PASSED IT WITH GOD'S WILL. May this serve as an inspiration to all other batches who will take this exam. Writing and sharing this makes me realize na, grabe... ang sarap ng feeling.

See you, next sem. 

(Oo, I am claiming it!)