How to describe my 2011 in one word: EPIC.

I couldn't believe another year has again passed by right before my eyes. It seemed like yesterday when I started to plan for my new year's resolutions for 2011 and now, I am writing the summary of my rollercoaster experiences of the year. Actually, I am not thinking about new year's resolutions anymore because it always fails me. As I looked back on my planner, I realized how much I've flopped these "resolutions."

Here, I wanted to share to all of you my 2011 "supposed-to-be" resolutions:

1) I will not be late for school anymore. (Weh? As in isang malaking weh)
2) I will control my overeating and lose weight (Everything happened in contrary to this statement. I hate to say this, but I have gained so much weight this year. Haha)
3) I will try to be frugal and save money everyday, at least P100. (Oh well, this is partly true. I have been saving money but I am not frugal. I am still the same impulsive shopper.)
4) I will not cram in reviewing anymore. (Ummmmm. I could not help procastinating!)
5) I will lessen my hours in Facebook and allot it for reading if a real book, instead (Medyo totoo siguro. I have lessened my time in Facebook because I have been wasting my time on Twitter! Haha)
6) I will try to keep my promises and not to break it. (Big lie, after all)

But above all of these, there is one statement in my planner that I have pinky sweared with.

....I will enjoy life a whole lot more and appreciate even
the most unnoticeable opportunities and blessings! :)

I did. I really do. 


Epic. This is how I would describe my 2011. Maybe it did not go that smoothly as what I have expected but for now, I can say that I have learned so much from every milestone and heartache that I went through. It was a bittersweet story for me.

As a year ender, I would like to share the highlights of my year. From my joys, triumphs, pain, hardships and successes. I would really love to impart this with you and follow the timeline as it unfolds.

January 2011

• Was booked for Singapore-Malaysia trip!
• New phone, Nokia E72
• Bad memories of Philippine Orthopedic Center duty (ha-ha!)

February 2011

• The oh-so-fun NCMH duty. I just love Psych
• ASAP Sessionistas Concert sponsored by Daddy Dave
• Tagaytay Escapade with Jewel, Naybebe and Inay Riz
• Sportsfest 2011
• Hospicio De San Jose exposure with D14's Happy Birthday, Anne Curtis!
• Met my most lovable patient of all, Kim, at Psych ward.
• Daddy's Birthday

March 2011

• Irah's 18th birthday at Amber's
• My faith has been moved and tested. I almost died when I knew my status, NCM 104 matters. It was a life and death situation. Ha-ha!
• Super stressed out (thesis making and defense, lots of finals to survive)
• First professional studio shoot by Sir Edward Padama
• I passed the 2nd semester of my 3rd year! Thank God :)
• Eya's recognition day

April 2011

• Matt Gideon's 1st birthday
• Invited to sing for a graduation (Taytay Elementary School) c/o my first voice teacher, Tchr. Linda
• Einstein's summertime fun
• My 1st NMAT examination
• April 13 = cursed day.
• Altairs' Pinning Ceremony and Graduation
• One proud member of UERM Chorale
• Black Saturday at Bonifacio High Street's Walkway
• My little sister's first piano recital on an Easter Sunday
• First and last catch at Shalom (DR cases complete!!!)

May 2011

• Joined Twitter. Haha!
• First struggle just to get home. Yes, nagsquat ako sa jeep sa sobrang walang masakyan. Me already! =))
• Flight preparations: Shopped 'til I drop with Mom
• SINGAPORE-MALAYSIA TRIP (May 16-23, 2011) I really fell in love with Singapore and Malaysia... sobrang bitin 'to and in fact I didn't want to go back to Philippines. Chos
• Went back to Shalom para magtreat
• Daddy's got a new baby car
• My very own shih-tzu is home. Toffee!

June 2011

• Senior year! 
• Forever & a day with Bubbles, Kore & Bianca that eventually ended up with a "forever stranded day" hahaha
• 1st community duty as a 4th year student
• New group, A2 :)
• 1st unit examination: Oncology

July 2011

• Vice Ganda's Todong Sample sa Araneta. Thank you Tita for the tickets!
• My Altairs' friends Nurse Licensure Examination
• Transformers 3: One happy bonding with my Tita, Eya, Franz 
• Mom and Dad's 20th wedding anniversary
• Found lovely friends
• My little sister's 10th birthday celebration at Shakeys
• Childhouse duty where my heart was deeply touched by the kids who were struggling to fight cancer at that early age
• Baby Gab was confined & I had to look after him.
• Mommy's 42nd birthday

August 2011

• Got that precious opportunity to sing at Diamond Hotel with The Ensemble for Philippine Nurses Association
• We started our thesis implementation at Lung Center of the Philippines 
• Ensemble's Tagaytay getaway with the new members!
• Attended Intergraduate Research Colloquium for D14
• Happy Lemon with Faye and JP
• Mam Janelle's Birthday celebration with Ensemble
• Cardiopulmonary Nursing duty started, grabeeeee stress hahaha
• Disaster Nursing RLE Simulations
• Started studying for Oral Revalida
• My photoshoot at Fort Santiago

September 2011

• CPN duties sunod-sunod, toxic nights and days with Rai and Trix and Ma'am Verain pero I really found it the best learning experience plus I love my groupmates and the CI! 
• Bonchon with Ate Tasha & Ensemble
• Case Presentation ni Bebe Trix na sobrang sabog hahaha "Tetralogy of Fallot---what is balot?"
• Last week of hospital duty with A2 at EENT Ward. Fuuuun! :)
• Emergency room duties with A2 and Ate Mai, enjoyed it a lot!
• IVT lectures 
• September 8, a very blessed day for me because that day I learned that I passed all the concepts for NCM106 (Onco, ABC, Disaster) Praise God!
• Major case presentation for CPN
• Reunited with Eden and highschool loves!
• Last duty na nga lang for CPN, toxic pa! (Furosemide and albumin, wooooo)
• Party like it's the end of the world with highschool friends plus Bebe Trix at Las Brisas, basag night! Hahaha
• Nursing Leadership & Management orientation (Yes naman senior na talaga)
• Altairs' Testimonial Dinner and after party at Padis Point Cubao

October 2011

• All the stress in the world is right here! Finals month
• Management lectures 
• Started Competency Appraisal 1 with Group 16 :)
• My brother's 18th birthday
• Major research defense, D14--- we passed!!!
• Because of Ensemble, I had my fangirls. Haha!
• Thesis paper revisions
• NCM106 final exam
• October 22: The most awaited Oral Revalida (Proud to say, Yes I conquered it!)
• CA Written exam finals (Uy, di ako nagreview. Haha srsly)
• Sembreak

November 2011

• Daddy gave me the best gift ever, my new Macbook Pro
• Enchanted Kingdom/Tagaytay with the Budoys!
• Second semester of being a senior (Last semester of being a BSN student!)
• Workshop on carrying out MD's orders, Admission discharge etc with Sir Perez
• 11.11.11
• Community orientation (NCM107)
• Altairs' ASC Pinning Ceremony with Ensemble
• Start of the very stressful community duty management
• Run for Pasig 2011 (It takes one step at a time, there's no need to rush) 
• Fourth time ko na sa Tagaytay with Kore, Bianx and Bula (People's Park in the Sky) lunch tapos balik agad hahaha power trip
• Baby Gab's Christening
• Eunice Joy @ 20
• Manila Ocean Park Adventures!

December 2011

• Antipolo Fiesta with friends
• My 20th birthday treat at Calleza Grill/overnight inuman and unlimited videoke with friends
• Officially applied for UERM College of Medicine (Thank you so much Mommy!)
• NMAT part 2 at Benavides Bldg, UST. It's all about faith
• I fell in love with Moonleaf!
• Super stressed out with CHN
• Dean Dumlao passed away, sang at her wakes and interment at Loyola Commonwealth with The Ensemble :(
• Christmas Party at Atty. Salonga's home with Ensemble. Happy Birthday Dr. Lim!
• I appreciated Ma'am Lim even more. I treat her now as my second Mom :)
• The Prayer with Sir Alex Bitanghol. Performed for the program of Pasko sa Center 2011. What a big break for me! A dream come true as well
• Christmas Shopping at GH (Thank you Daddy!)
• Watched Enteng ng Ina Mo at Trinoma
• High school reunion at Mina's with Sir Owe
• Kanin Club with Ensemble (Uy, umaasenso! Hahaha)
• Grades released 1st semester 4th year. I love my NCM & Research grades!
• Nanay's Birthday 
• Lost my globe phone cus I dropped it sa jeep
• General room clean up before the year ends
• Deprived of vacation kasi we were at school from Dec 26-28 to finish the thesis for community. But everything's worth it because we are already approved for ethics! Yay

For me, the best highlight of this year is my Singapore/Malaysia trip because it is my first international trip with Mom. I really enjoyed every bit of it!

Win some, lose some. It has been a very long year for me, indeed.

I couldn't imagine how I have grown up since. Whatever ups & downs I have been through, it all helped me to become a better person-- and every moment has shaped me to become more mature. I loved and I will always be in love with this year. Thank you for being a part of it!

To everyone who made my 2011 meaningful, my family-- Mommy, Daddy, Eya & Franz, Lalican & Labilles clan, D14, A2, Group 5, Ensemble Family, Girlfriends, Bestfriends, UERM friends, Highschool friends and to all my friends out there (too many to mention, haha).... Please stay with me and let's make new memories as 2012 comes in! I love each and everyone, and I would really love it even more if you will all stay forever here with me. :)

I am soooo looking forward for this year because this is Archeans' time to shine! Graduation coming up, plus our July 2012 Nurse Licensure Exam (100% yan!!!) I can feel it, positive vibes!

Pano ba yan, party like it's 2012 na!
(No, it ain't the end of the world, 'cus it's a brand new beginning!)

The Oral Revalida experience

Allow me to vent out my feelings here because tonight will be the first time since a long long time ago na matutulog ako ng walang iniisip na worries (it has been a month na napaparanoid ako) 

Yes, it is for orals. 

Every day trending ata sa Twitter ang results ng orals since it has started. October came in, sobrang stressed out and toxic na ang buong Archeans due to too much academic demands and too little time. Minsan na-experience ko na sobrang tumunganga na lang literally, sa sobrang pagod and at the same time thinking if I could still do it. Sabi nga ni Ma'am Lim kanina when she prayed for us before we went to our respective rooms for orals, na we have gone this far.. ngayon pa ba kami bibitaw? Very true. Time has been fleeing so fast, hindi ko na nga napansin na natapos na kami ng 9th semester namin out of 10 (Shocks isa na lang) and that I have already conquered my greatest fear by testing my ability to express myself through this oral revalida.

One week before my orals I had been so impatient waiting for my turn because the agony was sooo prolonged that I am assigned to the last day. Honestly sobrang inggit ako sa lahat ng batchmates ko na nagbbrag about what they picked and how their orals went through. But it was also actually ironic dahil hindi pa rin ako prepared, though gusto ko na matapos. Haha. Anyway, I had that edge of time to prepare so I was able to finish 25 out of 30 diseases. Yung 5 na hindi ko naaral, it was actually communicable diseases. Bukod sa nagkaron ako ng shortage of time to review those, ayoko rin talaga aralin yun because I simply do not like the topic. And it was already in my mind na HINDI ko mabubunot yun. Ever.

I really believed in the power of the mind. Humingi din ako ng signs kay Lord kung anong mabubunot ko. He immediately gave me an answer (akala ko, yun na talaga) There were so many signs na nakita ko--- may nakasabay ako one time na nakacast sa fx, tapos the night after, I dreamt exactly of my clinical instructor with me tapos Osteoporosis daw nabunot ko; the same day I went to Mezza with my friends and saw a lot of Anlene around, I also saw one of my batchmates holding a copy of the pathophysiology of Osteoporosis. Grabe. Sabi ko nga sa Kanya, "Lord, isa lang naman hinihingi ko, ang dami nyong binigay" Kidding aside, well I studied that disease very carefully not because of too much hope na sana yun ang mabunot ko but in case na mangyari yun, at least I am prepared. 

October 22, Saturday. It was 2:00 in the morning when I woke up. I was not able to return back to sleep because my anxiety level became higher and higher every time, and I can't really sleep. Nung nasa holding room na ko, 7:45am I felt like---- omg ito na yun. At last you're here and the agony will be over anytime soon. Second batch ako, I had a little more time to adjust and set my mind that it is my judgment day. Mam Lim called my name, finally. I did my very best and with all the luck of my hand, I picked up one paper from Iglot. Unti unti ko pang binuksan (Pasuspense?) tapos nakita ko: Bitanghol, A. 

OMG. AS IN OH MY GOD. Fifteen silang CI, imagine. Tapos of all the clinical instructors siya pa nabunot ko. Wala namang problema kay Sir Alex. I had a big problem because I wasn't able to study CD. For a moment I stood still and felt like a statue of ice =))) Sobrang nanlamig ako at pinagpawisan ng beri hard. It was the most remarkable moment of my life so far. But of course, I didn't have the choice! Alangan namang ibalik ko yung paper kay Iglot. It was a matter of life and death. Either I stay or I go, either I live or I die. 

Well, I chose to go and die.

I went to the room where I am supposed to report and faced my greatest fear. Para akong sumabak sa laban ng walang dalang armas :))) I trusted my own instincts and capacity. Bago ko lumapit kay Sir, I told myself that I can do it. Pinabunot na nya ako pero dalawang cases lang yung nasa kanya (Leptospirosis, Rabies) at wala naman akong choice kahit yung Malaria lang yung alam ko kasi wala naman dun. Napilitan na lang talaga. Go kung go. Ayoko na kumuha ng pangalawang case 'cuz its a sign of weakness, as for me. When I got the case, I read it very carefully like thrice ata yun before ako nakapagcome up ng cues and the patho. Honestly it was so hard for me to generate a pathophysiology na hindi ko naman talaga alam yung disease process. Ang alam ko lang, Rhabdovirus ang viral agent ng Rabies at yung traditional compensatory mechanism ng lahat ng virus eh nagmmultiply sa bloodstream at meron laging portal of entry, reservoir, portal of exit =)))) Hahaha. All those knowledge that I had, ginamit ko lang, pero bahala na. 

Sir Alex asked me a lot of questions but I answered it with all my might, based on my instincts only. Hahahaha. Ang lakas ng loob ko, grabe. Probably because I asked for God's guidance at alam ko habang nagsusulat ako sa whiteboard, kasama ko Siya. Well His graces worked on me. That 45 minute glory of expressing myself and proving what I have learned for the past two semesters, I am really thankful for it. Kahit hindi na-meet yung expectations ko, okay lang rin. 

The moment I walked out the room I had mixed emotions. I don't know how to feel, because at some point I was disappointed. Kumbaga sa DABDA eh nasa Bargaining stage na ko. I was asking myself "Bakit hindi si Ma'am Verain nabunot ko para Respi na lang?" (Fyi: I was chanting 30 mins before my orals, telling na sana respi sana respi sana respi. Okay lang kahit ano wag lang cd wag lang cd wag lang cd) Hahaha. Funny but true enough. Sabi ko nga kasi I always believed in the power of the mind, but I am questioned why it didn't work for me the time I actually needed it most. 

Agony's over... and there are three things that I have learned, yun ang pinakamahalaga. First, God won't give us trials that we could not handle. Maybe at first I was telling myself na grabe sobrang mapagbiro ni God, sabi ko nga sa kanya kahit ano, wag lang yung CD. But He gave me that. I know, He has His own purpose kung bakit yun ang ibinigay nya sakin. Probably He knows best that I CAN DO IT, AND I CAN HANDLE IT. Second, you can't get everything that you want. Minsan, talagang life would have to disappoint you with such things. Life is full of surprises, at talagang kanina... sobrang nasurprise ako.:)))) Lastly, expectations hurt. From the start pa lang talaga dapat di na ko nagexpect na all the outcomes would turn out to be good :) Sometimes I just have to learn to accept. And still I am very very thankful because I have reached this far.

Now, I can finally say....... I AM DONE WITH ORAL REVALIDA AND PASSED IT WITH GOD'S WILL. May this serve as an inspiration to all other batches who will take this exam. Writing and sharing this makes me realize na, grabe... ang sarap ng feeling.

See you, next sem. 

(Oo, I am claiming it!)

Late-night Eurekas

Just a random post, well lately I have been realizing a lot of important life lessons. I will share them through these quotes.
1. If you were happy before you knew someone, you can be happy after they're gone.
2. Don't waste your time chasing someone who's running away from you. It'd be better to walk alongside someone who feels the same about you.
3. Relationships are like glass, sometimes its better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.
4. When you close a door to any type of hurtful relationships, make sure you lock it.
5. A person might hate you for 3 reasons: a. They wanna be you. b. They hate themselves. c. They see you as a threat.
6. Goodbyes make you think of what you had, what you have lost, and what you took for granted.
7. Stop focusing so much on needing someone, and work on being the one someone needs.
8. Sometimes good things fall apart, so better things can fall into place.
9. Instead of focusing on what's missing, learn to appreciate what's there.
10. It's not that you are feeding on your pride, it's just that you are tired. You do not have to force yourself to earn someone back. If he/she decides to leave, then let it be. That person will realize sooner or later that it is her loss, not yours.


Lines 1-9 are from TheNotebook on Twitter, and the tenth line is from my heart.


Cheers to a new beginning.

The Greatest Battle I Know: Mind vs. Heart

I've always wanted to hear how my heart beats 'cause it tells me to keep loving that person. "Sige lang. Mahalin mo lang siya. Wala namang masamang magmahal ng sobra as long as you really are into it." That must be how my heart speaks--- kung nakakapagsalita nga lang talaga ang puso. I can feel every pump of blood through my veins, the intensity of cardiac output and how this person increases the workload of my heart. Grabe, kung alam mo lang kung gano mo pinahihirapan ang puso ko, kulang pa ang 125 bpm na PR at 160/90 na blood pressure every time na iisipin ko kung gaano kita kamahal.

For all you know, I always loved that feeling. Kaso laging merong kumokontra, and yes it's my mind. 

"I love you from the bottom of my hypothalamus" sabi nila, mas appropriate daw yang sabihin because from this part of the brain, the pituitary gland dictates and a certain hormone is released na may association with the formation of emotions and feelings. Question: Is love caused merely by the release of that chemicals? Well, no one knows. Ang alam ko lang, when the mind dominates us, we can be controlled. So, what if your mind tells you to stop loving that person? Would you? Or you will just let your heart rule over you?

One thing's for sure: mind is always wiser than the heart. Ang puso, kahit ilang beses masaktan yan, keri lang. The heart is the only broken thing that works. Amazingly, it has its own unique healing process na hindi overnight, at walang makakaintindi. It just needs one person, that one person who can make that shattered pieces whole again. That person who can mend all the wounds inflicted by the past, yung taong makakapagstabilize ng heartbeat mo-- na kahit gano pa ka bradycardic or tachycardic ang puso na yan, kayang kayang maging normal kasi andyan siya. Just the mere fact na andyan lang siya. Yung assurance na hindi ka niya iiwan. 

But as I was telling you, the mind is wiser. It doesn't allow any pain to recur. Mag-increase nga lang ang isang component, it tends to compromise. It follows its own doctrine to maintain stability. It doesn't follow the Starling's Law of the Heart either. Once the brain feels that you are in pain, it won't let you experience the same harm. Cuz every time, it learns a new lesson at ituturo sayo na hindi mo na dapat gawin yun. 

Pain should be a teacher, not an experience meant to happen over and over. 

In my case, ang hirap isipin at pakiramdaman kung ano ang dapat kong sundin: ang puso kong patuloy siyang minamahal o ang isip kong nagsasabing tumigil ka na. Dealing with this battle is not an easy task. I just have to feel myself and know where would I stand.

I don't want to end up losing myself either in this fight. I have to choose to make things right.

Day 1 of 8: The Skies Were At My Fingertips

The busy streets near Kembangan Station

As a child, I was fond of memorizing the capitals of each country, looking at every wondrous place around the world in my atlas. Never did I imagine myself travelling and seeing those places right in front of me, staring at those amazing attractions with my eyes on it. And yes, I am very much grateful for this day-- because my childhood dreams turned into a reality.

Last year I began to sketch my plans together with my Mom. Yes, you read it right. It's a sketch, a drawing. We were still unsure of it coz I don't even know my schedule for next year. Well, January 1 came in. I was really in great astonishment to know that the tickets were already bought. Excitement and happiness filled my senses. This is indeed a "start-the-year-right" for me. I am really, really happy.

Days and months passed, I became too impatient. I felt that I am needing a real, quality time to unwind to free my mind with all the preoccupations of school stuffs and all that there is. I needed a stress reliever, a time to rest... a vacation.

At long last, May 16 2011 came.

This day marks my first international trip together with my Mom. And this also wouldn't be possible without my ever supportive Dad. He never fails to spoil me with these things.

Upon arrival at NAIA, 1:00 am in the morning.

It was 12 midnight when we left the house heading to NAIA. I could not anymore hide my excitement to see Singapore and Malaysia personally. Actually, I wasn't really able to prepare for our flight that much because I did my last minute packing. Well, it was really obvious because I forgot to weigh my baggage and when we arrived at the airport, it was too late when I found out that our baggages are excess of weight. :))) But of course, Mom is always my superwoman. She paid for my excesses.

At exactly 5am, we were already checked in. We waited for the boarding at the lounge. While I was waiting, I took my self shots holding my passport, because as I was telling you, it was my first international flight so I am really excited about it.

Me holding my passport! :)

But before going out of the country, one must pass through the immigration. This actually tensed me a lot because my valid ID (which was supposed to be a requirement) is in my luggage, and I almost forgot that it is already at the plane. How will I be able to face the immigration officer without that? Argh, that thought bugged me, I became really nervous until Mom & I's turn came to be. We handed out our passports and much to my expectations, the immigration officer didn't say anything. He didn't even question us. He just signed and put a stamp on our passports. After that breath-taking moment, I could not believe that I am about to ride the plane!! (Though, it's not my first time to ride a plane. I already had my first last year, heading to Mindoro.)

Bye Philippines for now!! :) Here's Mom and I, our first Mommy-and-daughter photo taken by Ms. Carl with her Nikon D5000 camera. Yay, it is really evident especially in my face that  I am sooo excited. Haha!

Yes, I savored the plane's take off. Although I had a hard time feeling that "heavy feeling", I dared myself to. It was a 3 hour and 10 minute ride to Singapore. For the first hour I was not asleep because I am still enjoying the trip, with my notebook and pen. I wrote everything that I felt before we actually rode the plane and for the time being. I could hardly express my happiness. But for the next hour, I already felt the need that I had to sleep to recharge for our first day in Singapore. So yes, I fell asleep. But I was awakened after 30 minutes. I think it is because I am already impatient to see a new country right before my very eyes. It wasn't so long when the pilot claimed that we were about to land to Changi Airport.

First photo at Kembangan Station

Almost there

Barely three weeks from now, I'll be a senior student. I couldn't imagine myself wearing a toga and marching all together with my batchmates, Archeans. It seemed like yesterday when I enrolled myself for this course and now, I am about to finish and graduate- having my diploma in my hands *fingers crossed*. I know it is still a long, long way to go but I am in great positivity. I could hardly wait repaying my Mom & Dad with the fruit of their hardships and sacrifices for me.

Nursing has been my life since, three years I've spent doing nursing care plans, attending to the needs of my patients.... Yes, a student nurse's experiences are unequaled.